“Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again & your heart will rejoice, & your joy no one will take from you.” John 16:22
What a week it has been getting ready for this deployment. My heart is heavy this time around and I can barley get through this post without sobbing so just hang with me. I’m not sure what hurts my heart more—knowing how hard this will be for my oldest girl Ella or seeing the toll it takes on my husband to miss another 9 months of her life (and Monroe’s too of course). I’m not telling y’all this for pity. I’m simply trying not to end up back in therapy this go around. Last time I kept all of my emotions to myself and worked out instead. Needless to say that wasn’t the best way to handle things.
God has given me everything I need to help me through this deployment. We are a part of an amazing church with an awesome women’s ministry. I’m also a part of a predominantly military small group who can all relate. It’s so important to surround yourself with community. One of my favorite communities to be a part of is crossfit Endemic. There are some pretty incredible coaches and athletes there. I feel so blessed to have made some great friendships so far! It’s always a good thing to have strong people in your corner. People to push you to be better and hold you accountable. Today was the first workout of the crossfit open and tomorrow is the start of our nutrition/lifestyle challenge. It was so much fun to be able to workout with my hubby by my side! I’ve been begging him to come workout with me for a while now! He’s been out of the crossfit scene too long! ( I always give him a hard time about it because he’s such a talented athlete and I hate to see his talent go to waste). Anyways, I loved every painful minute of the workout and if you haven’t done 19.1 yet you should. The best advice I have for you is to do the wall balls unbroken and keep a steady pace on the rower. And as always if I can help you with your heath or fitness goals you can let me know by messaging me on social media or send me an email at email@example.com!
God knows exactly what we need when we need it. He’s good like that! Goodbye’s are always painful, even if they are only temporary. God led me to read John chapter 16 today & let me tell ya the tears were streaming & my noes was about to run right off my face! My husband is leaving but God (the almighty creator of the universe) loves me enough to let me know He is with me and I am loved. I am in awe of just how amazing his unconditional love for us is. I’m certainly not perfect in my walk with Christ. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been angry about my husband leaving and allowing negativity to win out some days. But he won’t stop pursuing me. He deals with my sin ever so gently and draws me back to him again and again.
The truth is He is the source of truly living. Apart from him I can do nothing. Apart from him we become self centered and isolate ourselves to avoid dealing with the pain or confronting our shortcomings head on. Apart from him we can’t grow. Apart from him is a life not worth living. So, instead I’m choosing to lay it all down and humble myself so he can lead me to righteousness and joy for his glory. Amen? The pain of this life is temporary and pails in comparison to the glory we will experience when we meet our creator face to face. I know he sees my hurt but I also know he’ll heal it in time. And if he doesn’t he is still good. He is still God. He is sovereign over all.
No matter what hardship or pain this deployment brings, I’ll be alright because my hope is in him & he is with me. He’s with you too. If you’re hurting, lonely, afraid, angry or a mix of it all—he’s there. The question is will you allow him to help you? Will you surrender your heart to him? My encouragement to you today is to trust him with it all. He doesn’t need us but he wants us to be a part of his perfectly written story. Our goals, our suffering, our joy our journey it’s all apart of his plan. We aren’t meant to live this life alone. He’s right there patiently waiting for you.
“Yet I am not alone for my father is with me. I have told you these things so you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” John 16:32-33